“Just for today: I’ve recovered something I never had, something I never imagined possible: the life of a recovering addict. Thank you, Higher Power, in more than words can say.”
Recovery, recovering, recovered! The many stages of the journey. I consider myself to be recovering, and for as many day’s more that I may have on earth, I will be in Recovery. The life that I had before recovery, was some kind of life. Yet, was it living? I thought so at the time. It was one way to live.
When I look back at the life that I was living, I understand now how much of myself I buried, denied, distorted, contorted, compromised, degraded, debauched, numbed and risked, physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. Recovery is giving me back so much of myself.
Part’s of myself that I had buried so deeply that I needed to go back to my childhood to remember. This part of my Recovery gave me back my values, the core of who I am. I didn’t recognize them or myself. Reading is important to me, as a child it was my refuge, my sanctuary, my safe place from the terror and pain in my young life.
Now I read for pleasure again, Game of Thrones, (after I binge watched the first four season’s), Hunger Games.Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Wherever You Go There You Are by Jon Kabat Zinn, Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman all to know myself better.
Feeling as though there is much that I want to say today, not certain how much I am prepared to divulge. Yes, I am trying to use this as a type of Journal. Knowing that there are others who are reading this, I am wanting to hold back. Not certain of the level of trust. May take me a while to feel comfortable with this process.
Actually went to a meeting today, something that I haven’t done on a Saturday for quite some time. Since my daughter is usually with me on Saturday’s. I have a new Sponsee, who needs the early stage of Recovery support. Which I am happy to do! I stay clean by helping someone else stay clean. It’s a service that I do gratefully. It keeps me closely connected to why I made the decision to get clean.