End of Day.

The day is done! I have another day clean.  This is a successful day, more because I didn’t act out either.  In Recovery I understand that any day clean is a successful day.  There are day’s that this is everything, There are day’s that this is enough.  Then there are day’s that I want more.  Want, not need.

Learning the difference between want’s and need’s has been an important step in my Recovery.  My need’s are basic.  I need food, shelter, clothing and a bed to sleep on.  If my basic need’s are being met then anything beyond this is a want.  Having gratitude for these basic things has taught me a great deal, particularly having been in the position of not having these.

Beyond my basic need’s, I have a set of values, which I didn’t understand or know about when I first started my journey.  My values are based on what I consider important!  It is the foundation of how I make my choices and decisions.

Recovery tells me that I need to connect with a Higher Power.  Some recovery literature uses the word God.  That word used to make me angry, I would cringe with memories of my childhood imposed religiosity.  Where was God when I needed him the most?  The process of finding a God of my understanding has been a convoluted discovery.  What I knew without a doubt was that the spiritual person that I am required nurturing.  I felt that all the drugs, year’s of using and abusing myself had been a futile attempt to satisfy my spirit from a material world with never any satisfaction.

Early Recovery my Higher Power was the meetings, and the people in the meetings who certainly had more clean time than I did.  On the day’s that I felt restless or bored with the meeting’s, I would here someone speaking from their own personal experience what I was feeling.  There is some kind of synchronicity that happens.

Today, at the meeting, I heard many share about their relapses, feeling like they wanted to relapse, or how close they were to relapsing.  Relapsing scares me, to death!  I am at an age that, I might have another relapse, I don’t think that I would ever make it back to Recovery.  In the continuum of my Recovery, over thirteen year’s, I have had my share of relapse’s.  Had three year’s relapsed, had two year’s relapsed, had one year, relapsed.  The last relapse kept me out for three year’s.

Today, I am clean!  I will go to bed clean, and wake up clean!  Today, no matter what, I have had a successful day!  Today, I have a faith and a purpose.  As a recovering addict I can carry the message of Recovery.  And that’s enough!


(The photographs that I use are my own, taken around my home town. All with my Samsung S6.)


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About jhalladay13

Photographer, Knitter, Mother , Christian, Recovering, Victim, Survivor, Thrive, Activist, Reader, Church Singer,Learning Inuktitut language of Baffin Island Inuit. Community Leader, Activist, Advocate and Disrupter!

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