End of Day.
The day is done! I have another day clean. This is a successful day, more because I didn’t act out either. In Recovery I understand that any day clean is a successful day. There are day’s that this is everything, There are day’s that this is enough. Then there are day’s that I want more. Want, not need.
Learning the difference between want’s and need’s has been an important step in my Recovery. My need’s are basic. I need food, shelter, clothing and a bed to sleep on. If my basic need’s are being met then anything beyond this is a want. Having gratitude for these basic things has taught me a great deal, particularly having been in the position of not having these.
Beyond my basic need’s, I have a set of values, which I didn’t understand or know about when I first started my journey. My values are based on what I consider important! It is the foundation of how I make my choices and decisions.
Recovery tells me that I need to connect with a Higher Power. Some recovery literature uses the word God. That word used to make me angry, I would cringe with memories of my childhood imposed religiosity. Where was God when I needed him the most? The process of finding a God of my understanding has been a convoluted discovery. What I knew without a doubt was that the spiritual person that I am required nurturing. I felt that all the drugs, year’s of using and abusing myself had been a futile attempt to satisfy my spirit from a material world with never any satisfaction.
Early Recovery my Higher Power was the meetings, and the people in the meetings who certainly had more clean time than I did. On the day’s that I felt restless or bored with the meeting’s, I would here someone speaking from their own personal experience what I was feeling. There is some kind of synchronicity that happens.
Today, at the meeting, I heard many share about their relapses, feeling like they wanted to relapse, or how close they were to relapsing. Relapsing scares me, to death! I am at an age that, I might have another relapse, I don’t think that I would ever make it back to Recovery. In the continuum of my Recovery, over thirteen year’s, I have had my share of relapse’s. Had three year’s relapsed, had two year’s relapsed, had one year, relapsed. The last relapse kept me out for three year’s.
Today, I am clean! I will go to bed clean, and wake up clean! Today, no matter what, I have had a successful day! Today, I have a faith and a purpose. As a recovering addict I can carry the message of Recovery. And that’s enough!
(The photographs that I use are my own, taken around my home town. All with my Samsung S6.)