The Love of The Fellowship

Just for today: I can look anyone in the eye without shame. I am grateful for the loving support that has made this possible.

Living one day at a time as an addict in Recovery, I never imagined a life without using. Today, because I live my Recovery one day at a time I remember every day what it was like and I know that I don’t want to live that life anymore.

Identifying as an addict can be scary sometimes.  I identify readily in the world outside of the rooms, not for kudos or congratulations, because just maybe someone is living with the pain and shame that I was, not realizing that there is a way out. Many connection’s and conversation’s have been started in this way.  I can carry a message of hope. Change is scary, yet it is possible and I am living proof of this.

Life has changed for me over the time that I have been in Recovery.  Not all at once, gradually as I made different choices.  The first and most important choice that I made was that I didn’t want to live like that anymore!  Something deep inside of me knew that there was another way to live.  I just didn’t know how!  Yes, I was hurting.  I had all the reason’s in the world to be hurting.  Those reason’s ultimately became excuses. To use another’s description, I had a blame thrower. It was because of this, this, that and them, you and yours, that I used.  You did this to me!

Going into Recovery was the first time that I finally took responsibility for my life, or so it felt.  I had a choice!  The choice to live or die!  The way I was trying to kill myself wasn’t working very well, there was some spark in me that wanted to live.  So, how did I want to live?  I wanted to live well!  This was where my Recovery began, knowing in the deepest part of my being that there was another way to do this thing called life.  Seeing others who seemed to be enjoying their lives without the use of drugs, and wanting that badly enough to try!

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About jhalladay13

Photographer, Knitter, Mother , Christian, Recovering, Victim, Survivor, Thrive, Activist, Reader, Church Singer,Learning Inuktitut language of Baffin Island Inuit. Community Leader, Activist, Advocate and Disrupter!

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